In my mid-twenties I was invited to co-teach a Sunday School lesson to primary school children, focused on the Fruits of the Spirit. The lead teacher was a close friend and informed me I was assigned to explain and demonstrate the importance of self-control.
I immediately replied to my friend that I was the last person to teach on this spiritual principle, since I was severely lacking in it! I reminded her how I struggled with arriving to events on time, and other important aspects of this virtue.
My friend smiled and calmly replied “maybe that makes you the right person to teach this character strength, while highlighting what can happen without it. It’s a great opportunity for you to ask the Lord to teach you to better manage this fruit of the spirit.” I reluctantly agreed.
On presentation day, I made myself an obvious visual example of a lack of self-control. My long hair was neatly clipped back on one side of my head only, with hair on the other side hanging over my eye and chin. My cardigan was buttoned askew, and my tennis shoes were untied.
As part of my exaggerated character, I walked in front of the class, describing how I had been in a hurry when getting dressed for church, and wanted to do things my way. I then proceeded to trip on my shoe laces and fall down in front of them, in a dramatic but uninjured way.
I concluded the lesson, by clipping back my remaining loose hair, adjusting my sweater, and tying my shoes. I then described how life was more enjoyable and safer when taking better care of myself. Modifying my own undesirable behavior was my only understanding of self-control at that time in my life.
Since then, I’ve discovered another important aspect of self-control. Fast forward thirty years. After my mother’s death, I became the power of attorney for my surviving father who suffered from dementia. Disagreements with other family members involved accusations, then lawyers. I felt overwhelmed and experienced frequent bouts of anxiety. The continual questioning of my decisions and criticism of my actions left me with debilitating self-doubt.
I found myself struggling to do the simple tasks at work and home which involved focusing my thoughts, and quickly recalling details. I thought a lot about future commitments and deadlines, but accomplished very little. I experienced a type of paralysis of mind from overthinking. I was stuck. I ached to be free to take the actions I urgently needed to complete, in the course of my everyday responsibilities and obligations.
In retrospect, my mistake was to think I faced this crisis by myself. I remained stuck for long periods of time because I repeatedly forgot Christ was waiting to help me. On a deeper level, I feared my problems were too ugly and smelly for God. Finally, I cried out to the Lord asking him to deliver me from what felt like a prison of thought and anxiety.
I then waited on the Lord, standing firm in my faith that Christ would deliver me according to His schedule. I remembered so many life experiences throughout my past which clearly demonstrated how Christ had always guided, protected, and loved me.
He answered my cry, which first led me to scripture:
Psalms 23:1-3 TPT (The Passion Translation)
“Yahweh is my best friend and my shepherd.
I always have more than enough.”
“He offers a resting place for me in his luxurious love.
His tracks take me to an oasis of peace near the quiet brook of bliss.”
“That’s where he restores and revives my life.
He opens before me the right path
and leads me along in His footsteps of righteousness,
so that I can bring honor to His name.”
I felt the Lord tell me, the most painful and broken aspects of my daily life are an indispensable part of my spiritual training! And that I can’t run away from the pain or deny its existence. This thought felt to me like the prospect of running through fire. Staring at the figurative flames in front of me, I desperately hoped to make it through to the other side.
During this season of what I experienced as sorrow and suffering, I internally heard the Lord ask me: “Are you going to embrace or discard your training?” My gut tightened, but I said “Yes Lord, I embrace this training you’ve personally prepared for me!” I also internally heard Him say “Do not despise the uncomfortable and painful parts of your training.” These words encouraged me to resolutely trust Christ, and to continue to move forward by living my daily life.
Christ revealed that my pursuit of self-control is a journey, and it’s a harvest of His truths. As I follow Him by studying scripture, He continues to lead me to life-saving verses that help me drop heavy lies along the way. My spirit is lighter and my steps toward Christ quicken. I can experience the gift of His Holy Spirit momentum. My human frame is not capable of continuing this pace for long, but I’ve had a taste of what living in God’s love feels like. And I’m no longer willing to settle for less.
Psalms 23: 4-5 TPT
“Even when your path takes me through the valley of deepest darkness,
fear will never conquer me, for you already have!
Your authority is my strength and my peace.
The comfort of your love takes away my fear.
I’ll never be lonely, for you are near.”
‘You become my delicious feast even when my enemies dare to fight.
You anoint me with the fragrance of your Holy Spirit;
You give me all I can drink of you until my cup overflows.”
“So why would I fear the future?
Only goodness and tender love pursue me all the days of my life.
Then afterward, when my life is through, I’ll return to your glorious presence
to be forever with you!”
I took a class at my church on the Enneagram and learned about my specific temperament. The principles of the Enneagram taught me which situations stress and immobilize me. It also taught me which new attitudes and behaviors can help channel my anxiety into more productive patterns of thought and action.
I watched You Tube videos, listened to podcasts, and did a lot of reading on a variety of topics. This included scripture and published writings that described the components of vibrant and joyful mental health. And Christ led me to a series of qualified people to listen as I talked things out. This started as prayer with my pastors and friends, then later transitioned to a season with a trained counselor. I don’t have many answers, but these are the things that worked for me.
You might feel this message does not apply to you, but may I suggest you could soon hear someone expressing some of these struggles. Would you please seize the opportunity to remind them that long ago, Christ died to set the captives free, eternally! They are not alone. Christ is with them and is waiting to show them a way out of their “stuck feeling”. Christ will then faithfully lead them into the freedom of a fresh start and a more joyful way to live!
Please encourage them to take up their spiritual sword, God’s word, and fight against the lies that would seek to imprison their mind. Tell them they are not being selfish in making choices that feel right to them, based upon what God is guiding them to do. They are freed by Christ’s death and resurrection to live in a loving partnership with Christ here on Earth and in His forever home.
I close with verses 2 and 3 from the classic Christian hymn: “The Solid Rock”.
“When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale, my anchor holds within the veil.”
“On Christ the Solid Rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.”
“His oath, His Covenant, His blood support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.”
“On Christ the Solid Rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.”
