I am reading a book series titled “The Abba Journey” with some friends from church. Abba is the word used for father by Jesus and Paul in the New Testament. The first pages of the first book cover the role of human fathers from different cultures throughout history.
Roman fathers focused on authority, and Hebrew fathers focused on relationship. The book next covers the concept of sonship in the eyes of our loving Heavenly Father, as taught by Jesus in the Gospels.
To quote the husband and wife authors, Kerry and Chiqui Wood, “Sons live in an atmosphere of love. Sons know who their father is, they know they have a home, and know they have an inheritance.”
To paraphrase two points from the books, sons and daughters also have a spirit of belonging; a sense of being connected to home no matter how far away they may travel. And one of the many priceless gifts we receive from the Father God is the freedom of knowing we are loved unconditionally. We don’t have to do anything to be accepted and approved.
I was very fortunate. I had two parents who loved me, fed and clothed me, were involved in the process of my education, and worked hard to keep me safe and sound.
Although I was physically healthy and did well in school, my emotional state was another matter. A thread of narcissism ran through the psyche of a prominent person in my family of origin.
For that person to feel secure, he/she had to always be right. And for that person to be right, everyone else had to be wrong. Narcissists tell the people they associate with, often and in great detail, when and how thoroughly they are wrong. It makes them feel better about themselves.
This leads us to the other side of the sonship coin …the orphan lie. I quote from the second book in the series, “Orphans live in an atmosphere of fear and bondage. They do not know who their father is. They feel they must achieve, perform, and prove themselves to be accepted.”
“They feel they must earn their way into a family. They don’t know whether they have an inheritance. And since they think they don’t have an inheritance, they feel they must claw and grab for everything they can get.”
These statements deeply resonated with my personal type of orphan thinking. And until I read them, I hadn’t fully realized that I had lived a large portion of my emotional life as an orphan!
Although I had accepted Christ into my life and knew I was a child of God, I had some urgent unfinished business from my childhood. I realized I had believed a damaging lie. As a child, I assumed the almost constant anger of that one family member was my fault. And it was an easy assumption to make. When this person announced yet again, I said or did something incorrectly, they were annoyed or angry with me. Then I transferred that lie to how I thought God saw me. Subconsciously I thought my defect of being chronically wrong would make God angry also, so I emotionally kept my distance from God. And when I sometimes couldn’t feel God near me, I subconsciously thought I was receiving the silent treatment for falling short of God’s standards. This technique was standard procedure in my family.
A major house-cleaning was needed immediately. I was very motivated to pull out the lies about my identity from my thoughts, by the figurative root. And to persistently plant God’s truths from His word in my mind, about His character and about who I am in His family. I began to earnestly work at consciously receiving God’s unconditional love like medicine, and to purposely invite His presence into my thoughts as a conversation. So many pieces began to fall into place.
I re-read the Parable of the Prodigal Son. The second book in the Abba Journey series points out the orphan thinking of the prodigal in Luke 15: 17-19:
“When he finally came to his senses, He said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’
It then highlights the truth of his father’s incredible love and forgiveness in Luke 15:20, & 22-23:
“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His Father said to the servants ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now is found.’ So the party began.”
The book also points out the orphan thinking of the older son in Luke 15:28-30:
“The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’
And once again includes the truth of his father’s incredible love and faithfulness for him in Luke 15:31-32:
“His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’”
I am so thankful that life lived in partnership with our Heavenly Father, Jesus the Son, and the Holy Spirit is so very much better than we expect! And I speak from experience.
About the Author
Sara has attended CitySalt Church since 2004, the year it was founded. She studied Journalism, wrote for her college newspaper, and is a member of Oregon Christian Writers. Sara also enjoys singing hymns with friends: “there is a sermon in every hymn waiting to be discovered and enjoyed.”