Today's Salt Blog takes a detour from our current writing theme for a guest post from our very own Chris Carter. Chris writes under the pen name Professor Popinjay for other writing outlets. Here the professor's whimsical writing style re-writes one of his published pieces about self-confidence unpacking his reason for, and invitation to self-confidence through his Christian faith.
It’s been said when we’re alone, we’re in bad company. It’s said artists are often their worst critics. Look at the lengths Van Gogh went just to avoid painting ears! We can be pretty hard on ourselves. But that harsh inner monologue doesn’t have to be so critical or mean or dismembering. You are part of God’s creation, carefully and wonderfully made!! You are grander than the Grand Canyon! You are greater than the Great Lakes! You matter more than the Matterhorn! You can like yourself, your choices, and your earless artwork! I won’t judge!
We all know at least one person who is super confident all the time even though they never drink coffee. Some of these types are arrogant jerks who boss people around. Others are more like Keanu Reeves.
But I’m not here to help you be like Keanu. That would take centuries and an indomitable will. Nevertheless, rest assured, by the time we’re done here you WILL think of yourself as a perfectly sculpted paragon of natural beauty and charisma… but also humble.
Many people are at extreme ends of the self-confidence spectrum. Some people believe a follower of Christ should be a pushover, accepting the four piece McNuggets (even though they paid for the ten piece) just to avoid an awkward situation. Others might become a tyrant, grabbing the cashier by the lapels, shaking them vehemently, and demanding satisfaction because they received a McNugget slightly smaller than the other McNuggets. Yes, the self-confidence spectrum is strangely McNugget oriented. Psychology is a bizarre and unfathomable science.
The Bible might say the meek shall inherit the Earth but it also says blessed are the peacemakers. We appoint delegates to negotiate compromise and accommodation between two countries to foster and maintain peace. Peace is never one group ruling over another. It is a mutually beneficial arrangement. In the same way, we can negotiate a mutually beneficial arrangement in a patient and compassionate way between ourselves and others. In other words, you can get your food order right and all parties involved can come out edified from the exchange. But this process requires a bit of confidence to achieve. One might call it strong meekness.
If you don’t “confide” in yourself then you’re obviously keeping secrets from yourself. But I’m a big blabbermouth. I’m going to tell you a secret. You are valuable, highly valuable, priceless even. And yet Life has been afforded to you (priceless as you are) for one reason. 1 Peter 1:18 says God has ransomed you! Despite all your imperfections and beautiful humanity: you are deemed worthy and Loved by God. You’re worth more to Him than a Faberge Egg with a side of Faberge Bacon.
Now you may ask: “What have I done to be so valuable?” Nothing! As cool as your 1st Place Trophy from the Belching Contest may be, self-confidence is not about your accomplishments. It’s about what you are. You are a beloved creation of God divinely imbued with the ability to reciprocate Love to Him, yourself and others!
Self-confidence is about your irrefutable CAPABILITIES! Here they are in a nifty little list:
You are capable of enabling others to see your value by affording to them that which was afforded to you (priceless life) and recognizing they are also more valuable than the aforementioned jewel-encrusted breakfast foods.
You are capable of maintaining your self-respect even in situations where others are repurposing your lunch for their own impromptu art installations.
You are capable of valuing those who do not yet value themselves (people like Pat Sajack and Tommy Lasorda).
You are capable of saying “no” when you want to say “no” and refusing to let others live vicariously through you by inflicting on you obligations that are not your responsibility. Shaving your boss’s back was not in the initial job description!
You are capable of walking right up to a cashier, smiling at them, and politely requesting a cheeseburger because you haven’t been given a spirit of fear but a sound mind and hungry belly!! And even though they laugh at your request because you didn’t realize you were at a law firm office, you can laugh with them because you know everyone makes mistakes and that’s okay. Sorry about all the fast food references. I haven’t had lunch yet.
Blows to our confidence do not only come from within. If someone is willfully and maliciously running you down verbally, pushing you down the stairs, bonking you on the head, stealing your Microsoft dinosaur cd-rom, kicking you in the buttocks, giving you a super-wedgie, and sticking your head in a toilet and flushing it so your hair looks like soft-serve ice cream, it can affect your confidence. Call these behaviors out! Talk to them or their mom or Henry Kissinger. If Kissinger is on your side, whom shall you fear?
In choosing to trust God to keep and defend us, instead of escalating the cycle of reciprocating pains inflicted on us, we not only soothe others but create an impenetrable shield against their misguided emotion-missiles, just like Captain America …and to a lesser extent, Captain Wisconsin, whose shield is made of cheese but is just as impenetrable.
Making the choice to be patient but assertive exercises and maintains your self-confidence muscle, located somewhere around your glutes. Working that muscle out, especially when first starting, can be a slow and tiring process. Try being assertive and polite in just one small aspect of life. Perhaps ask for more complimentary breadsticks. Gradually work your way up to telling the waiter he has gorgeous eyes. Just remember: baby steps!
Here are a few other ways to exercise your self-confidence muscle:
All your friends are wearing polyester leisure suits. You, however, are more of a unitard and ankle warmer kind of person. Choosing to don less funky vestments, despite the fact that everyone else has boogie fever, could be a great way of exercising that self-confidence muscle.
Contrariwise, perhaps staying in your comfort zone all the time might not be a benefit to your confidence. Maybe polyester leisure suits are the way to go… maybe add a huge gold medallion necklace and get a Jheri Curl? Own it you gorgeous disco queen! Just be sure your inward adornment is gentle and quiet even if you are wearing loud pants.
One who never takes responsibility for their mistakes makes others want to bap you with their claws. The cat already disrespects you enough as it is. Be brave, own up to your smells and the consequences. Your confidence will thank you. Your cat will hork a hairball next to your bed by way of gratitude.
Don’t toot your own horn. People love having their horn tooted by someone else but usually hold others in contempt for frequently tooting their own. Just leave your horn alone, please! And when someone does toot your horn for you just say thank you and maybe curtsy a bit.
Projecting a friendly and gentle countenance while interacting with people will speak volumes over mere eye contact. Too often, motivated go-getters hear the importance of eye contact and adopt a soul-piercing gaze that not only makes others intensely uncomfortable but compels them to protect their jugular. Just be friendly and human! Don’t exsanguinate people!
Ask questions! There are no stupid questions and if someone is making you feel stupid for asking stupid questions tell them they’re stupid for making people feel stupid. Okay maybe don’t call them stupid per sé, but definitely imply as much indirectly. Okay, don’t do that either. When you can confidently answer other people’s stupid questions without making them feel stupid, congratulations, you’re confident and you have people’s confidence and you’re strengthening your self-confidence… confidently.
Self-confidence, when done right can be infectious, but don’t worry about covering your mouth when you have this affliction. Give it to everyone you know just like chicken pox!
Remember: You are Loved. So Love yourself. And then Love others as you Love yourself. You have nothing to fear and shall walk confidently through a dark world spreading His light by making peace with all you encounter. Meekness is not submission. It’s powerful.
Proverbs 3:26
For the Lord will be your confidence, and will keep your foot from being caught.
About the Author
Christopher has worked as a children’s pastor and youth leader for several years and has published countless humor articles under the pseudonym Professor Popinjay. He studied biblical history and child psychology through Burean University and various other educational institutions. He enjoys writing, art, and the history of invention. He lives with his amazing wife Jessie and their six bizarre children, one of whom is a cat..
