What started out as an innocent misunderstanding with a neighbor has turned into a cold war of unforgiveness and limited contact. We live in the same townhouse complex, directly across the driveway from each other. Our last regular conversation ended last year, with her shouting at me “I will never talk to you again!” This is difficult to do, because she has developed a surrogate mother-daughter relationship with my immediate, next-door neighbor, whose front door is less than 6 feet from mine. I see this angry neighbor every day.
She turns her back to me if we pass each other on the sidewalk. And when she sees me pulling weeds in my front yard as she walks her dog past my home, she will say critical things about me to her dog, in a voice loud enough for me to hear.
I hate this! I’ve apologized, but my invitations to talk things over with her are ignored with no eye contact. I am no stranger to the silent treatment. One of my primary relatives would not talk to me for days even when I was a child, while we lived in the same house.
When I chose my personal relationship with Christ as my life’s priority, and took time to read my Bible, I learned it was my responsibility to initiate the healing by forgiving others first. I would make attempts to forgive regardless of the other person’s response, but I did not know how to manage my childhood pattern of responding with resentment and anxiety. Over the years, I found it easier to withdraw in self-protection.
Matthew 5:44-45 TPT
“However, I say to you, love your enemy, bless the one who curses you, do something wonderful for the one who hates you, and respond to the very ones who persecute you by praying for them. For that will reveal your identity as children of our heavenly Father.”
This tense situation has slowly escalated over the last year. And I’ve had the growing suspicion that Christ is giving me an opportunity to create new habits and better manage my emotions in a godly way. I started praying for my resistant neighbor, and a surprising thing happened.
On a particular morning I woke up feeling like a storm had passed. The usual buzz of tension and guilt I would wake up with was gone, and the air around my mind was quiet. I strongly felt this was no coincidence. Freedom comes with obedience. And I felt this glimpse of freedom was my reward. Praying for my neighbor is still not easy, but I am pressing into this obedience which is delivering me from my mind’s jail.
Importantly, this uncomfortable situation continues to reveal my incomplete areas. And I pray, ‘Lord help me to remember to bring my broken places to you so you can repair them with your healing love.’ My childhood pattern was to withdraw from the pain of being shut out. My broken relationship with my neighbor is teaching me to stop denying my dysfunction, face my responsibility, and choose instead to pray for her. This is the key part of my battle.
Matthew 5:45-46 TPT
“He is kind to all by bringing the sunrise to warm and rainfall to refresh, whether a person does what is good or evil. What reward do you deserve if you only love the loveable? Don’t even the tax collectors do that?”
I used to feel imprisoned and condemned by my relative’s anger and silent treatment, but Christ has spared me from spiritual death in a sustained rescue that has spanned decades. I see it clearly as I review my past life events. And I know that nothing can separate me from his love, and His love is all I need.
I feel Christ’s nudge guiding me to refuse darkness, as a type of victory, by turning my back on the disabling resentment that would try to attach itself to me. And to learn to laugh at the imperfect situations, because Christ has disarmed our spiritual adversary, who can no longer hurt us. This frees me to have empathy for my perceived enemies. Even to go the further step and pray for them!
About the Author
Sara has attended CitySalt Church since 2004, the year it was founded. She studied Journalism, wrote for her college newspaper, and is a member of Oregon Christian Writers. Sara also enjoys singing hymns with friends: “there is a sermon in every hymn waiting to be discovered and enjoyed.”