Sometimes, my mental picture of God gets a bit fuzzy. During seasons when I feel surrounded by stories of heartache, confusion, and unanswered questions, I can’t always make out the outline of the Father in my mind or my heart. My connection and communication with God can almost feel like a faint mirage, or a candle flickering, on the verge of fading into the noise. There is still a consistent presence, as God has certainly proven undeniable, but in these moments, it’s sometimes just in a whisper.
I wonder if you have ever felt that?
One might call these seasons of doubt, distance, or darkness. I’ve found that categorizing this experience can be demoralizing and overly-prescriptive for me, so I’m learning to practice curiosity and acceptance. And acceptance is not to say resignation, but rather acknowledgement of my own cadence and exploration with the Father through my limited human lens. While this might feel unsettling or even frightening, I’ve taken heart that the experience doesn’t end there-with just a perpetually blurry perspective of God.
I’ve discovered that when my eyesight dims and my heart begins to lose its tether, God always delivers an invitation.
I’m reminded of the passage in John 20, when Mary Magdalene visited the tomb following Jesus’ death. When she arrived, it was still dark, but she was able to see that the stone was rolled away and the tomb was empty. The story notes her feelings of confusion and sadness, as she assumed that His body had been removed. I imagine in the darkness of that early hour, her heart was filled with questions and grief, as the last trace of her Lord had been taken from her.
In verse 14, we learn that Jesus joined her there, but her view was obstructed. She didn’t recognize him and continued in her distress. It wasn’t until he extended an offer of intimacy and connection in calling her by name, Mary, that she was able to see and know him.
Though I’ve read that story countless times, I always catch my breath when I see her name printed on the page. In that simple verse, the author communicates the power and grace found in the invitation. Jesus invites Mary to see him in his fullness of new life. In a moment with just the two of them present, he invites her to know this next incredible chapter of the story-that he really is the Messiah and Savior who has defeated death.
When we are living in a season of that predawn darkness, wondering why our vision of God is clouded and our heart feels distant, may we have the courage to look for the invitation. Perhaps God is calling us by name, through the warm hug of a friend, the first bloom after winter, or the quiet stirring felt in our body.
God sees you. God notices when your perception of him is waning, and through the quiet movements of the Spirit, God is there to beckon you back. When you find yourself feeling alone and confused, know that your solitude is the perfect setting for God to whisper your name and invite you into a fresh connection.
About the Author
Britni is a quiet but fearless spirit who is earnestly seeking the beauty of the redemption that Jesus has personally determined for her life. Committed to the truth that listening breeds understanding and understanding results in compassion, she clings to the power of life’s stories. She has embarked on the venture of discovering her own story and lending an ear to the stories lived out in others and savors the trace of Jesus that is woven throughout them all. Currently, that journey has landed her in a balancing act between the role of wife, momma, and a mental health Care Coordinator.