If anyone feels like they need more humility in their life, they can try parenting. It’s sure worked for me so far! I thought I had a leg up on this parenting thing, having worked in schools for 19 years and taken college and graduate level classes in the psychology of child development. A huge part of my identity has always been “I’m good at working with kids.”
But now? I mess up all the time. I lose my patience. I raise my voice (usually only in response to a kid yelling, but still, I try to teach them that two wrongs don’t make a right, so I’d like to keep my own voice calm). I judge/assume what a kid is going to tell me instead of listening fully. I’m the opposite of God: quick to anger and abounding in sarcasm. One silver lining, so far, of being stuck at home during an ice storm instead of moving into our new house is having time for things like writing this blog post and video chatting with my Welsh friend in New Zealand. She says what I just described is completely normal. I feel a little better that it’s universal, but still! I’m afraid that I’m an evil stepmom more often than I’m a gentle, empathetic mother.
Everyone at church is very kind and encouraging. I know it’s quite an adjustment gaining 5 kids all at once, and I appreciate deeply that everyone asks how it’s going and assures me that I’m doing fine.* And I know I will get there. I’m reading parenting books (finally just finished “Boundaries with Kids” and am a few chapters into another) and learning the hard way. I’ll have it figured out by the time the last kid graduates! Just kidding. But hopefully I really will grow in the things I need, which are pretty much the Fruits of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control).
How can I grow in these areas? Only by the grace of God who helps me and gives me strength. I need to ask Him for strength and the Fruits of the Spirit regularly. My problem is that I’m so busy and distracted with 5 sweet but noisy kids that I forget to spend time with God in prayer and in the Word. I try to read the prayers in Stormie Omartian’s “The Power of a Praying Parent” book on my Kindle, but I forget to open it. Lately, I’ve had a little more time for praying on my way to work, after I drop kids off at middle school. It’s about the only quiet time I have.
And this led me to an idea: check out helpful books on CD from the library. Somewhere I own a pretty hardcover copy of Brené Brown’s book “Atlas of the Heart” (although I can’t find it, even when packing up my books to move last week). But recently I found the CD of it at the library and started listening to it in my car. I only got through one disc before I turned it in last week so it wouldn’t get lost in the move, but already it has been helpful for me to understand my emotions, which I believe will help me with parenting. At least once or twice a day on my commute, I can take some time to focus on these things, which helps remind me to pray and lean into God for my needs.
Another thing that has helped is friends who have stepped in as “mentor parents.” When I was in grad school, my student teaching experience came with a mentor teacher, whose class I took over. The mentor teacher gave me guidance, then let me do things on my own, then gave me more guidance. It’s a bit different with parenting, but some of you at church have let Chris and me call you and describe our situations, circumstances, and struggles, and then you gave us guidance. Whatever you call it (God designed us for community, it takes a village, etc.), I am grateful that I live in a local community and culture that doesn’t think we parents have to go it alone. I believe that one of the ways that God helps us is by giving us other people to speak into each other’s lives and encourage us. This is seen clearly in the Bible by friendships, mentorships, and other relationships in both the Old and New Testaments.
On my own, I can do nothing. But with God’s help, through resources and the people He places in our lives, we can do anything he’s called us to do. Even parenting 5 kids. I think. I hope. Keep praying for me.😊
*Note: I’ve been reflecting lately on how what I say at church affects the kids. Often someone will ask me how parenting is going, and one of the kids (usually the oldest) is sitting nearby as I describe my struggles. I’ve been a part of CitySalt for several years now and have grown accustomed to being very transparent about whatever I’m going through. But I don’t want to give my kids a complex and make them feel like a burden. Recently we had a family movie night and watched the Guillermo del Toro version of Pinocchio. It was fantastic! And opened a door for me to talk about this with a couple of the kids. I won’t spoil the movie for you by telling you how this plays out in it, but it solidified my thoughts on this matter. For this reason, I’m planning to be a little less transparent on Sunday nights at church. I will try to say “Things are going fine.” But I’d love to meet up for coffee or have a phone call from my bedroom where I can tell more and ask for prayer. I am grateful to you all for caring so much about me and my family.
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.
Isaiah 41:13
“For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.”
About the Author
Jessie is a novice writer, with several books in various stages and a blog about travel and the journeys of women. She is very excited to be a part of the CitySalt blog team. She has been blessed by a few communities of Christian writers that have encouraged her dream. She lives with her sweet husband, Chris, their 5 funny kids, and 1 fluffy cat in Springfield. She loves hiking and other outdoor and indoor adventures with her family.