Any other idealists out there? It’s at once both an amazing gift of seeing inspiring possibilities and an uncomfortable burden of realizing just how far that image is from reality. My idealism used to express itself in a sort of perfectionism. I recently went back and read a few journal entries from my young 20-something self, and I saw that perfectionistic worldview coming through full force in my past words. Revulsion and compassion together rose up as I read entry after entry of striving and pleading with the Lord to make the world (or make me) just so. Those words I read evoked a painful emotional state of trying to deal with the impossible gap between the brokenness I saw, and the way things “should be.” And at that time, I thought the perceived gap was the actual gap. Experience hadn’t yet taught me just how limited my own perception could be. I thought that everything that looked broken was broken, and that my painful and uncomfortable feelings were evidence that I needed to take action to change it all. I had a knee-jerk reaction to immediately try to “fix” things that looked askew.
All this came rushing to front of mind last week when I read these words: “But the Father will send the Friend in my name to help you. The Friend is the Holy Spirit. He will teach you all things. He will remind you of everything I have said to you” (John 14:26 NIrV). These are among Jesus’ words to his disciples in the hours before his arrest. I know I’ve read this passage before, and it amazes me every time, but this time I couldn’t get over those words. All things? He will teach us all things? Strangely confusing and reassuring to an idealist.
Later in the same passage, Jesus says more about this: “I will send the Friend to you from the Father. He is the Spirit of truth, who comes out from the Father. When the Friend comes to help you, he will be a witness about me” (John 15:26 NIrV). I wish I could go back and soothe my young self with these words. When I hear them now, I picture a Father who cherishes his beloved children and wants to give them everything they need, up to and including himself, his own Spirit. I picture a tender, honest Spirit who is alive in us, and opens our eyes to the amazing work that God is doing around us which might otherwise be hidden from our understanding. The Friend is not only working in us. The Friend is witnessing, testifying to us, within our very spirit, of the things Christ is doing in the world, and in our brothers and sisters. There’s grace for our imperfections, space to look at ourselves and others honestly in love. The perfectionistic compulsion for me to change things so that they can be acceptable is eased.
Which brings me to something I’ve been learning and relearning (and relearning) since that early time of striving. It’s God’s work, not mine. God will do it. The love we express in our relationships and service can be a powerful testimony of our God, but the redemption is God’s alone. God is at work and holds nothing back; the Father, Son, and Spirit move together in this mysterious dance of redemption and sanctification. The Friend, the Holy Spirit, is real and active, and I can trust the Friend to do sanctifying work in me and in those around me. Sometimes God does things in an order I don’t understand and it can be frustrating or painful. I realize now that I don’t know what the final picture, the “ideal,” really looks like for each person. This is something else that should remain in God’s hands, not mine. So, while I know I will be on this pendulous journey of trying too hard and trying not to try too hard probably until the day I die, I trust the Friend to help me grow. The Friend helps me trust the Father because my spirit glimpses what is hidden from my eyes - blooms of healing and growth and restoration all around me because of the inextinguishable life that God creates and recreates every moment. This promise is not an excuse to stop trying, to step away from the work God is doing through me. Rather it is relief and peace from striving - God takes responsibility for the redemptive work and its outcome. It is a burden too heavy and prideful and spirit-breaking for a human like me.
After Jesus promises the Holy Spirit is coming, he adds these words which seem a fitting conclusion, “I leave my peace with you. I give my peace to you. I do not give it to you as the world does. Do not let your hearts be troubled. And do not be afraid” (John 14:27 NIrV).
About the Author
Kayla is is 37. She has been married to her husband, Joel, for 17 years and she homeschools their two energetic boys. She loves stories, being out in nature, meeting interesting people, and seeing others grow in their freedom in Christ.