I’d never given the process of lamenting a lot of thought until it was taught to me at a debriefing retreat. It was during a sad time in my life. While we were all at various places around the world for Christmas break, my American coworker-friends and I got word that our school in Afghanistan was closing, and we couldn’t go there. We’d just lost a lot: our jobs, our homes, our friends, our students, our belongings, and our adopted country. We were heartbroken.
Some of us were already visiting family in the States. Others (like me) were visiting relatives in other countries for the holiday. I made my way back to the USA/Oregon for a couple weeks, with no idea of what to do next. The school network we worked for paid for us to attend a debriefing retreat in the northeast corner of the U.S. Thus most of us found our way from the corners of the world to a small lodge in snowy, rural Pennsylvania.
Honestly, we really didn’t pay much attention to the things the director of the debriefing program was trying to teach us. Our motivation was to be together in our grief. To see each other one more time before our lives all went separate ways. And to celebrate some things together, like the couples in our group who were getting married (we went ahead and held the bridal shower we would have had in Kabul for four of my friends if we’d stayed longer). But a couple things she taught us stuck out to me. Namely, how to lament.
It’s been several years, so I don’t have my notes anymore from that lesson or the lament that I wrote. I know it had four or five parts to it. Searching on the internet recently, I discovered that a lament can have anywhere from four to seven parts to it. The consensus seems to be at least these four:
Addressing God/Turning to God: a reversal of our tendency to retreat from Him in our pain
Complaint: talking candidly to God about what is wrong (with the world, with our own life, etc.)
Ask/Request: a prayer for deliverance, healing, or other need
Trust/Praise: a vow to trust Him, and/or declaring His faithfulness or other attributes (sometimes these are separate, with the declaration of trust coming before the request, and then praise for Him at the end).
Many Psalms follow this structure or a variation of it (the parts aren’t always in the same order), but Psalms 4 and 5 are easy ones to see it in.
I love the book of Lamentations and the lamenting Psalms because of all of this. God is powerful. God is holy. God is pure. But He condescends (in the old-fashioned sense of the word, not the haughty/judgy modern use of it) to listen to us complain. Even when we’re as whiny as a two-year-old. In my experience, as long as we aren’t disrespectful in our complaints, He considers them, no matter how angry and whiny they sound. Why? Because He loves us. Psalm 5 puts it this way: (verse 7) “But I, by Your great love, can come into Your house…” We can come into God’s own space and share our hearts with Him. He welcomes it.
Currently in my life, I have some small things to grieve. But mostly I find myself lamenting the state of the world, especially in places like Afghanistan. It breaks my heart. But when I pause from reading the news and turn to Him, talk to Him candidly about what I find wrong with the world, declare my trust in Him, ask Him to heal/deliver/etc., and praise Him for who He is, then my heart heals a little. Hopefully the world does, too. And there is joy in that.
The debriefing retreat was probably the last time that almost all of us were together, although in the summer many of us flew to the weddings that we’d held the group bridal shower for. The retreat was a time of grief. Of lamenting, communally and privately. But also of great joy. We ended the week with laughter (reminiscing about the crazy times, confessing to our security manager all the safety rules we’d broken in Kabul, etc.). This was a great release. We were still heartbroken, but that week started the healing process in us. During the months and years that followed, we were able to help many of our former students get into boarding schools around the world so they could continue their studies. This brought us joy, because our work of helping kids could continue in a way. And we were grateful for that answer to one of the petitions in our lament.
I pray that we all find joy and peace in this process.
About the Author
Jessie is a novice writer, with several books in various stages and a blog about travel and the journeys of women. She is very excited to be a part of the CitySalt blog team. She has been blessed by a few communities of Christian writers that have encouraged her dream. She lives with her sweet husband, Chris, their 5 funny kids, and 1 fluffy cat in Springfield. She loves hiking and other outdoor and indoor adventures with her family.