Kindness has become a trendy buzzword lately. Kids see it in school rules: “Be kind, Be safe, Be responsible…” We see it on signs in people’s lawns. I recently discovered that there are even “kindness” clubs and committees in our communities, when a kindness club marched by in the Springfield Christmas parade. I think most people would agree that “kindness” is something to aspire to, something that helps our world in general, from the local to global levels.
So why is it so hard to do? Why does our world still not get along? Why are there so many teen suicides because of bullying and other unkind acts?
The answer is complex. Obviously, acts of aggression are a different ballgame than unkind words due to immature communication. But watching my new children interact, I think one likely cause is not knowing how to deal with anger. We get a hint of how anger and kindness are connected in the book of Ephesians:
Ephesians 4:25-27, 29 - 5:2 (NIV)
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. “In your anger do not sin” [quoting Psalm 4:4]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
To me, this passage speaks of a combination of healthy boundaries and love. Because God loves us and creates in us love for others, we are motivated to be kind. But we also need to have boundaries. Boundaries to protect us so we can speak truthfully to others about what we need and let them know when they’ve hurt us. We can use this skill when we’re angry and hurt to make the situation better instead of lashing out to cause more hurt.
We can see this easily in children because they’re less subtle about it. They get hurt by their sibling/peer/etc. and retaliate instantly, causing escalation. Or if they don’t, they hold onto the anger, which gives “the devil a foothold” by allowing the anger to become bitterness and resentment or even eventually malice. We all do this sometimes but may not even realize it.
But God provides a different way. He doesn’t say “Don’t be angry.” Instead He says “In your anger do not sin.” We can be honest with each other about our boundaries or what they’ve done to hurt us, but we can do so respectfully and kindly, out of love and compassion for that person. Not only with the intent to not hurt them, and not only to help them learn and grow, but also to maintain the relationship between us. We can help the other person see that we’re communicating our needs/hurts because we value their relationship. We can walk in the way of love, as Christ does for us.
Today, after writing this post, one of our kids did a great job of demonstrating this principle. She’d misheard something I’d said and her feelings were understandably hurt. It took her a few minutes to tell her dad and I why she was upset, but she articulated it well. I was able to assure her of what I’d really meant, and she forgave me. Later I affirmed her great job of communicating. I’m so grateful that she didn’t lash out or hold on to the hurt, because I love her.
Kindness. It’s not just a buzzword, but a way to heal our relationships and our world.
About the Author
Jessie is a novice writer, with several books in various stages and a blog about travel and the journeys of women. She is very excited to be a part of the CitySalt blog team. She has been blessed by a few communities of Christian writers that have encouraged her dream. She lives with her sweet husband, Chris, their 5 funny kids, and 1 fluffy cat in Springfield. She loves hiking and other outdoor and indoor adventures with her family.