Like most people I’ve encountered, I have habits from childhood that served me well as a kid but cause significant challenges for me today as an adult. When I think about what it means to trust in a mysterious God, the first thing that comes to mind is how the Lord has been leading me to change many of those ingrained behaviors preventing me from healthy relationships as an adult.
To survive my family of origin and the chaos that surrounded those family dynamics, I developed a strong independence and unhealthy flight response to conflict and difficult situations. Independence developed into unhealthy narcissism and avoiding conflict transformed into extreme avoidance of situations and circumstances I have no perceived control over. Those behaviors combined to form an unhealthy habit of isolation which doesn’t bode well when I’m operating as a husband, father, or manager at work. This deeply ingrained avoidance is something the Lord has challenged me to change over the past several years.
The imagery for trusting God to lead me in this process is akin to that which David expresses in Psalm 23, a walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Who, in their right mind, would choose to journey into such a place? It's difficult to picture anyone (except maybe Sylvester Stallone) choosing to stroll into what is pictured in my mind as a dark forest resembling Mirkwood (a treacherous forest from J.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit, where misstep can lead to a multitude of unfortunate ends). The imagery that David uses evokes a place where the enemy lies in ambush around every bend in the road. One does not casually agree to travel to such a place, but this is exactly where David says the Lord leads his sheep.
I cannot claim to have had great success in my personal journey through behavioral and character-building change. It has been a difficult journey, and I have struggled greatly to let go of my inhibitions and embrace the season I have chosen to let the Lord walk me into. It has often caused me great distress and my tendency has been to do what I always do and run away or avoid embracing change. I’ve recently come to learn about Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) Therapy where a person intentionally exposes themselves to situations that cause them distress, and they prevent themselves from leaving until the distressed response diminishes to some degree. The goal is to experience that challenging circumstances aren’t as threatening as our mind makes them feel, which then teaches our brain to respond differently. Now, I’m not participating in ERP sessions, but I relate to what I imagine that experience could feel like, as the Lord continually prompts me to not avoid difficult circumstances.
Sitting in distress is the exact opposite of my developed tendencies and is very uncomfortable, kind of like a cheese grater to the face. But for some strange reason, the Lord and his sovereign leadership takes us through these dark and dangerous valleys, and promises to not only accompany us, but to defend us with his rod and his staff, and bring us out of the valley into a place of joy and abundance. In the meantime, we must journey through the daunting dilemma of trusting this mysterious God to lead us faithfully through dense forests, deep darkness, and disturbing dilemmas.
Obedience in the face of uncertainty isn’t easy, but as we choose to let go of what makes sense to us and embrace the mystery of how God leads us, we find ourselves in the best place to receive all that He has for us. To continue with David’s metaphor, on the other side of the valley of the shadow of death, there is a table prepared for us and the anointing of a head with oil (a symbol of consecration and honor). But the outcome is only obtained as we trust… as we join with our mysterious God while he gently and faithfully leads us on this journey.
Psalm 23 NKJV
The Lord the Shepherd of His People
A Psalm of David.
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.
About the Author
Mike enjoys spending time with his wife and four kids. He loves Jesus, art, music, and poetry. He currently works as the Manager of Learning Technology Solutions for Los Angeles Pacific University and is passionate about adventuring outdoors.