In my walk as a Christian and my journey through this life, I’m always looking for direction and reminders for living out my deepest values and allowing them to guide my choices, big and small.
How wonderful that we have the bible to guide us! The second part of Ephesians 4 in the New International Version, is clearly subtitled, “Instructions for Christian Living.” If you’re on a mission to live well as a Christian too, I’d say “look no further;” although the bible is full of these instructions, so do look further! For now, here is what Paul instructs us to do in Ephesians 4:
Speak truthfully to your neighbor
In your anger, do not sin
Do not steal, do honest work
Have something to share with those in need
Speak “what is helpful for building others up according to their needs”
Do not grieve the holy spirit
Get rid of bitterness, rage and anger
Be kind and compassionate to one another
Forgive one another
I feel like when I was young, I was taught to be kind as if it was easy, and for the most part I found that it was. I may have a selective memory, but I don’t remember having any significant conflict of my own. My siblings and I got along well (until the summer we spent playing Nintendo). But as I got older I found myself facing conflicts and feeling angry. Even in my desire to be kind, I found myself hurting others with my words and actions. Being kind suddenly wasn’t so easy. As adults, we are challenged by this world and the instructions Paul gives us become more like instructions for putting together furniture, simple pictures that don’t pan out so well when put into action.
Looking at these instructions as an experienced adult, familiar with many of life's challenges, I notice how these instructions are saying so much more. Three stand out:
“In your anger, do not sin.” Paul acknowledges our anger and that we do have it, that it is a reality in this world. I appreciate that recognition so that we can learn to face it with good choices, learning how to respond “in our anger” so that when it bubbles up, we do not sin.
Speak “what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” This is written as, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29.
What really speaks to me here is that he adds “according to their needs.” I hear Paul telling us to choose our words carefully, recognizing who we are speaking to and how those words will be received, to use words that “benefit those who listen.” This is a wonderful reminder for me when I feel convicted in my truth and want to share “my wisdom” with my children. They may not hear it as I intended if I am not careful to choose words that are “helpful for building others up,” specifically words that will land well with the person I am speaking to.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger.” Now this is a project. I also just shared how grateful I am that Paul recognizes that we do have anger, so what does that make us if we feel anger, yet are also instructed to “get rid of all .. anger?” It makes us a work in progress. This may mean we are working through old traumas or simply replacing a sharp reaction with a deep breath and a smile. Either way, the end goal (that we may never reach) keeps us progressing and living out our deepest values, by bringing God’s grace and love to each choice we make, big and small.
In summary, Ephesians 4 reminds me to strive for a pure heart with no bitterness, rage or anger by speaking words that are helpful in building others up, so that in moments of anger I will not sin. This helps me live out my deepest values of contributing kindness, sharing God’s love and encouragement with others, and living with a positive perspective and a deep gratitude to our Lord. And when I stumble, I can remember that I am a work in progress and be kind and encouraging to myself! I hope you will do the same.
About the Author
Leona is a wife, mother and traveler who is intrigued by how different people live. Her latest project is exploring ways that different walks of life can simplify, in order to live a fulfilling journey.