Gentle. Humble. What comes to mind when you think of these words? If you wish, take a quiet moment and just rest with those words. See what memories or pictures come to you.
This quality, “prautes” (prah-oo'-tace) in the Greek, is one of the fruits of a Spirit-filled life that Paul lists in Galatians 5. This life and these fruits are contrasted with a life driven by the appetites and temptations of the flesh. The word is translated “gentleness” or “humility” at various points in the New Testament.
Gentle* (adjective):
Considerate or kindly in disposition; amiable and tender.
Not harsh or severe; mild and soft.
Easily managed or handled; docile.
Humble* (adjective):
Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude or spirit; not arrogant or prideful.
Showing deferential or submissive respect.
Low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly.
I wanted to include both words, because I think together they give a richer understanding of both the action and the motive, the visible fruit and the belief behind it. I think that when I am gentle, it’s based on seeing God, myself and others clearly. I am submitting my understanding of reality to God’s truth (acknowledging that what God says about me and others is the most important thing), which empowers me to act in a tender or mild way. James alludes to this when he says “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.” (James 3:13, NIV) According to this, the wisdom that comes from growing in understanding of God’s truth and ways is the source of humility.
I’ll give an example from my own life. (I am sharing this story with permission from my child.) I host a homeschool hiking activity a couple of times per month, and at a recent meetup there were several moms running very late. They were so late, we decided we’d start without them and meet part way up the trail. Both of my boys love running free in nature, but one of them in particular really values communing with nature on his own terms. That day, he wanted to run up the giant hill and go all the way to the top. We discussed ahead of time that we would need to balance the needs of everyone in the group that day. However, he was soon far ahead of the adults, and I had to run to catch up. I have to admit, as the group host, it was a bit embarrassing to have to run up the giant hill, chasing after my children, trying to get them to listen to the plan. But I know my kids. It can take some time for them to change the picture in their minds about what is going to happen, and there’s no rushing it. When I caught up and explained that he’d gone too far, he stopped and said he would wait there until the rest of the group caught up. I explained that we wouldn’t be coming back that way again, but he wanted to wait there. I thankfully had a little more time to spare as we were still waiting on the final mom to meet us at the crossroads, but eventually they all arrived, and I had to urge them to go on ahead while I went back yet again to try to convince my child to come along with the group. I needed to lean into the Spirit for gentleness that day. I had to remember what I knew about my son, how he has his own pace when it comes to change.
Even then, I could feel the pull of my flesh-the embarrassment of being seen as a parent who can’t “make their child behave,” especially as the leader of the group. The strain of matching wills over and over with a persistent child…
I had to push back hard as shame and fear tried to creep into my thoughts.
“What do I know here?” I asked myself. I am human, my child is human, and we are both limited and imperfect beings, yet created good in God’s image. I know that my child struggles with transitions and changed plans. That’s OK. That’s part of how God made him, and he is in the process of growing into maturity in this area. I know that I cannot control my child, I can only control myself. And it is not a righteous desire to look more put-together than I am in front of these other moms, even if I am the ‘leader.’ God asks me to be a loving guide and protector to my child, discipling him in God’s ways. He doesn’t ask me to make my child do the “right thing” at every moment. (This is all the humility part- acknowledging the truths that God has already taught me, and letting this shape my perspective on the situation.)
This perspective then allows me to make gentle choices in the reality I face:
I can facilitate this group of moms, while also making space to come alongside my child and walk through this transition with him. (This is the working out of the humble perspective as gentleness.) Even though it is tiring to walk back and forth, and keep talking this out with my kiddo, I am parenting for the long-term. I want him to know that I value him enough to slow down and help when he needs it. I want him to know that we are in this together, and that he is capable of changing his mind. Even though I feel shame trying to creep in, if I know I’m making the right choice, I can despise this shame. Who knows? It might even be helpful for another parent to see this work in progress.
Anchoring my perspective in the truth of God helps me make gentle choices. It helps prevent me from straying into fear and shame-based reactions that can often be harsh and unloving. In the story I shared with you, the Spirit empowered me to act gently. But of course, I’m not perfect, and some days I find myself flailing about in situations beyond my current wisdom. I’m so thankful God is gentle with me too. God draws us nearer, forgiving our sins and failures, healing our wounds, binding up our broken hearts, teaching us new ways according to where we are. God promises to give wisdom (remember, the source of humility) to all who ask. “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5, NIV)
Let me send you off on a sweet parting note- here are Jesus’ own tender words to us regarding His gentleness:
Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
*American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 5th ed.
About the Author
Kayla is is 37. She has been married to her husband, Joel, for 17 years and she homeschools their two energetic boys. She loves stories, being out in nature, meeting interesting people, and seeing others grow in their freedom in Christ.