As we’ve lived through the past 18 months of this pandemic, my emotions have cycled through disbelief, panic, despair, anger, and gratitude for the blessings that I do have. This summer, I began to approach a more steady emotional baseline, but that has changed recently as the Delta variant has surged through our community and overwhelmed our health care system. In recent weeks, I’ve found myself more stuck in negative emotions and struggling to feel hopeful.
One morning I was half-heartedly praying for God’s help through this mess, and I felt nudged to consider shifting my focus away from myself. Despair about the pandemic had led me to negative self-talk about my life in general. So, I felt God reminding me that this pandemic is not only a difficult time for me, and that I should shift my focus on finding ways to be an encouragement to others.
With that in mind, I called my friend whose preschool daughter recently tested positive for covid to check in with her and offer my prayers. I spent time helping my son clean his disaster-zone bedroom. I baked zucchini bread for my family and took my dog for a walk.
The times we’re living through are challenging and it’s easy to become discouraged. We may wish that others would make different choices. We may wish we ourselves had made different choices in the past. None of those things are within our control. I’ve been reminding myself that I can only control my own choices, today.
Last winter, I read the Lord of the Rings trilogy aloud to my daughter. Traveling a dangerous path to Mt. Doom felt like a good parallel for life in the pandemic. One scene has stood out to me in particular. Frodo says to Gandalf, “I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish it need not have happened in my time.”
And Gandalf replied, “So do I. And so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given to us.”
How then, should we respond to the time that is given to us? Should we give in to anger and vitriol over personal freedoms vs. safety? Should we give in to despair and stop even trying? Or should we try to keep moving forward and attempt to live from a place of kindness, respect, and hope?
I hope I will always choose to keep moving forward, even when we’re unsure of the path in front of us, just like Frodo and his friends did in Lord of the Rings.
I’ve read that the pandemic in the U.S. may start fading away in October, as the Delta surge recedes. I’ve also read that the pandemic may not end for several more years. Which is closer to the truth? We don’t know.
It’s so hard to live within this uncertainty. I wonder, how do we keep moving forward when the ground beneath our feet keeps shifting? I’ve run out of answers, yet it seems there must be a way.
We need to be honest and acknowledge the tragedies of the last eighteen months and the challenges we continue to face locally and globally. Let’s give ourselves a break and recognize that many of us may not be able to function at our best right now. Our feelings of grief, anger, denial, and resilience will come in cycles. At the same time, we can draw inspiration from literature, scripture, and history and recognize that humanity is no stranger to dark times. Our ancestors have lived through world wars, natural disasters, smallpox outbreaks, and the bubonic plague. God put us in this time and place for a reason, and will not abandon us now.
Isaiah 43:1-2
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters I will be with you, and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God.”
About the Author
Ursula and her husband Spencer have two young children, and their family enjoys playing hide-and-seek and dancing in the living room. She works as a communications and events coordinator with the University of Oregon.
You can read more from Ursula at motherbearblog.com.