One of the first things I learned as a child was to make distinctions: a boy is not a girl, white is not black, ugly is not beautiful, healthy is not sick, fat is not thin, Christian is not Jewish or Muslim, American is not Russian or Japanese….and, of course… Texas is not like anywhere else!
To be sure, it’s a pretty common thing to learn about something by learning about its opposite, or if not opposite, at least something different. We like to contrast things. It helps bring things into clarity.
As I got older, though, I realized that these dualistic contrasts were not always helpful and could be sometimes downright harmful. And why is that? Well, I think it is because it’s all too simple, and to keep it simple and easy to understand, you have to do a lot of generalizing and stereotyping to make things (and people) fit into little boxes with clear rigid sides. This way we have a sense of some kind of tidy control over our categories. We can file them away in alphabetical order on the shelves in our mental library. We can even do this with God, or at least our ideas about God.
The problem, as I see it now in my life, is that life isn’t so tidy, predictable, able to be categorized. And when we only think dualistically, we tend to judge “the other” as something not as good as the thing we are, or the thing we understand best. I guess that’s a piece of human nature. We tend to judge and fear things that are unfamiliar to us.
This is not very helpful when we want to live out Jesus’ mandate to love God and to love other people as we love ourselves…. even our enemies! How do we do that well, if we are suspicious and fearful of people even a little different from ourselves?
It might help us if we did some “exchanging”. We could practice P.L.A.C.E. (patience, listening, awareness, curiosity, empathy).
Maybe we could exchange our impatience for patience. Maybe we could quit talking so much about ourselves and our opinions and do a lot more listening and asking questions. Maybe we could exchange our judgement for curiosity about “the other”. Maybe we could look for ways to be empathetic rather than critical. Maybe we could exchange our fear for a new kind of courage that allows us to stay put in unfamiliar or uncomfortable circles.
I read in the teachings of a very wise man that it usually takes either great love or great suffering for our little neat boxes to be expanded, to be transformed. When we experience deep, healthy love (human or godly) or we experience great pain and suffering, our horizons open up in a way they couldn’t otherwise. Isn’t this a mystery? Maybe this is what Jesus was getting at when he said, “Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
Suffering is bound to happen to us if we are human. It is common to the human condition in this imperfect world, so no one escapes it. But it seems to me that living a life of love might be more of a choice. We get to choose whether to love God or love other people. We can choose to just live a life “looking out for #1”. Some people are energized by anger and power over others. But at what cost? As Jesus put it, they would gain the whole world but lose their souls.
There are actions that bring life and there are actions that bring death. It seems to me that being more open, accepting, including, helping, loving… and just plain walking alongside people of any persuasion (whether racial, social, economic, sexual, religious, national, etc.) is life-giving to us and to them. The contrary to this brings a kind of death energy. And I have a strong feeling that walking alongside “the other” will expose more commonalities than differences among us. We are, after all, nothing more or less than ….human …created in the image of a most loving God.
Matthew 22:37-40
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.
Matthew 5:3-4
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those that mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Matthew 16:26
What good will it be for a man is he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?
About the Author
John has been an essential component to the life and development of CitySalt since 2004 and, presently, serves as an associate pastor with a focus on prayer, discipleship and spiritual direction in addition to being a regular part of the teaching team. He enjoys the outdoors, water sports, music, reading and especially spending time with his wonderful family and chocolate lab, Gunnar.