Luke 5: 8-11 (NIV)
When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners. Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything, and followed Him.
There are a million reasons why I am a follower of Jesus. But if I could sum them up into one, it would be His beautiful, unbelievable, infinite, unconditional, and precious love. When I read the passage about Jesus calling Simon (Peter) to be His disciple (Luke 5:1-11), I think of my own story.
It starts when I was young, just having finished eighth grade in 1991. I had known God and Jesus in my childhood before then, thanks to my parents and Sunday School. I knew He was good, and that He loved me, and that I liked Him a lot. But that summer, I went with my high school youth group to our version of summer camp, which meant staying in cabins at a Bible school on a small island in British Columbia. Our speaker for the week was one of the teachers at the school. As he spoke one evening, I finally understood what it meant that we humans, in our brokenness and sin, needed the forgiveness of Jesus to be restored in relationship to God. How could He (God and Jesus, because they are One; see our last blog series) forgive us? Because of His amazing love.
I knew that there was something special, even kind of magical, about this love. It could reach my hard heart, which even at that young age had hurt others. In fact, the things I most regret doing in my life had been done by then. His grace was the only thing that could take away my shame. I knew I didn’t deserve it… I didn’t deserve to be in His presence at all. I could have said “Get away from me, Lord! I am a sinful girl!” after recognizing His great love and power, like Peter did after seeing the miracle of a gazillion fish in his nets. I cried buckets for the wrong I’d done and the deep divide it caused between me and this loving God.
But because He loves us (and likes us!) so much, He wants to be with us. Like He did for Peter, Jesus calls us to follow Him. Not at a distance. With Him. With nothing to fear. That night in Canada, I responded by dedicating my life to God. I was baptized in the freezing cold ocean water the next night and was grateful for His grace. But my story didn’t stop there.
Even if we are “saved” as soon as we let Him forgive us and begin to follow Him, the Bible says we are to “work out our salvation.” For me, this meant a multi-year long journey of working out this forgiveness. There were stages to this: obviously accepting His forgiveness, seeking to make amends to people I’ve hurt, and even forgiving myself (with His help). I’m still on this journey, because it’s an ongoing thing. But it has slowly matured me and deepened my love relationship with God. I know I have a long way to go, but I am grateful for His work in me!
The result of forgiveness is being able to accept and embrace His love and desire for a relationship with us. He has pursued me even though I don’t deserve it, just like Peter felt. And like with Peter, He reminds me to not be afraid, because He has purpose for me.
God has used many people in my life to teach me this. Of course this includes faithful friends and family who have shown me steadfast love and grace, despite my weaknesses and shortcomings. My closest girlfriends, counselors, and mentors I’ve had over the course of my life are great examples. But strangers and new friends have also taught me much about God’s love. Ten years ago, I was in the midst of separation with my husband. I started going to a new church, and due to budget cuts in my district, began working at a new school. All I could do at church was cry during worship. Each week, the pastor’s wife came beside me and prayed over me. She didn’t know me from Adam. But she accepted me anyway and loved on me. My new boss, the principal at my new school, also showed me this immediate compassion, and let me cry in her office when I needed to. Both of these women showed me what it meant to love people in the midst of their need, even if we don’t know them.
A few years ago, I went with my old writing group friends from Salem to a faith-based fantasy and sci-fi writers conference in Reno. The keynote speaker was author Ted Dekker. I’d read a couple of his books, but he wasn’t my favorite writer or anything. His messages, however, pierced my heart. Everything he said pointed back to God’s love. For everyone. Every single person. So. Much. Love. And how our lives have meaning and purpose and we’re all worth it. We’re worth everything that Jesus went through. Even though the conference room was filled with people, I think every one of us felt like Jesus had sent little messages of love to each one of us through Ted. Every night I cried. I’ve only met a few people so full of Jesus, and yet he was still himself, the unique person God made him to be.
On the last night of the conference, he was doing book signings. I waited in line with my friend Diana, but didn’t currently own any of his books to have him sign. Instead, when I got to him, all I could do was thank him for his messages and blubber about how much they meant. He asked if he could hug me, and I nodded yes. This is not normal for me. I am not a touchy-feely person. Especially with a man I’ve never personally met. But somehow, God healed something in me through Ted. I don’t even know exactly what it was. But it filled me with an assurance of who and Whose I am, a deeper ability to love others, and the courage to do the creative work He has for me. Because nothing motivates quite like love.
Like Peter, I want to be with the One who loves me for me. Not because of what I’ve done or what I could do. But because of who He is. And He is love (1 John 4:16).
Recommended Reading:
If you want to know more about having a deep, healthy relationship with God, I highly recommend the book With: Reimagining the Way We Relate to God by Skye Jethani. My counselor Evan had me read it several years ago, and it changed how I see God and my relationship with Him, and brought me much closer to Him than I’d ever been.
About the Author
Jessie is an educator, she currently teaches teens and has taught overseas. She is also a novice writer, with several books in various stages and a (long-neglected) blog about the journeys of women. She is very excited to be a part of the CitySalt blog team. She has been blessed by a few communities of Christian writers that have encouraged her dream. She lives with her trusty sidekick cat, Arwen in the foothills of South Eugene, where she can go hiking within minutes of the sun coming out from behind the clouds.