Lately, I’ve been needing help to reignite my passion, intrigue and pursuit of the Scriptures.
While the last 10 years or so has been marked by reexamining the faith I was introduced to as a child and what it means to me today, this has impacted my relationship to reading the Bible. Though well-intentioned, some of how the Bible and specific scriptures were presented to me in my youth has proven a bit problematic. Scriptures were used to convince me that my body is bad, that purity is behavior and performance based and cannot be reclaimed once it’s been “lost,” and that there is a concept of a “good Christian” and a “bad Christian.” I’m so thankful for the gentle healing and kindness I’ve been invited into over the past decade, but recognize some collateral damage that’s remained mostly unresolved is a difficulty in knowing how to re-engage with the Bible.
How do I understand the context and true intent of some of these previously harmful passages and rediscover a loving, just and righteous God within them? I’ve recently shifted to using the First Nations Version and the Biblically inspired Book of Belonging as my primary sources of regular Scripture reading. While I’m not here to endorse the idea that we ought to neglect consistent study of Bible translations that closely mirror the original text and their accompanying commentaries, I am here to suggest that there may be seasons where we can consider other tools to help digest and engage with Scripture. These two books have provided me with fresh language and perspectives on the same core stories and teachings of the Bible, that resonate in meaningful ways without evoking painful baggage of past hurts.
On this journey of unpacking and repacking the foundations of my faith, I’ve received the encouragement from my spiritual director that even our questioning, pushing back, reevaluating, and thinking outside of our original “boxes” demonstrates that we are still experiencing a yearning for connection with God. Where the risk lies is in apathy and inaction. It’s been a process of giving myself permission to envision God in new and different ways, as I acknowledge that God is certainly not limited to the conjecture of what I first imagined God to be, in my more limited understanding. With new images and understanding of God can come new ways of engaging and communicating with God that may break my previous mold. God is still the Creator, Author, and Lover, and is still depicted in human form by Jesus. As long as my orientation continues to point me toward understanding and engaging with this God, I can expect that it will take many various shapes and styles throughout my lifetime.
Do you know what’s the very best part? God can handle it all.
Sometimes our fellow Christians may not be able to handle it, and sometimes our own hearts might be overwhelmed by confusion or hurt. But, throughout all of our winding and shifting paths, God continues to beckon us and long for us and be enough for us.
Wherever you find yourself on your walk today, may you experience God’s grace and allow it to soften your judgments of yourself and those around you. God invites us to keep leaning in as we refine our understanding of what trust can look like.
Psalm 139: 7-12
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
About the Author
Britni is a quiet but fearless spirit who is earnestly seeking the beauty of the redemption that Jesus has personally determined for her life. Committed to the truth that listening breeds understanding and understanding results in compassion, she clings to the power of life’s stories. She has embarked on the venture of discovering her own story and lending an ear to the stories lived out in others and savors the trace of Jesus that is woven throughout them all. Currently, that journey has landed her in a balancing act between the role of wife, momma, and a mental health Care Coordinator.