After sitting through years of church services as a kid, listening to the same four worship songs on rotation every other week (Shout to the North and God of Wonders, anyone?), I've grown a bit calloused to late 90’s and early 00’s worship music. While I understand that these songs and others have been and continue to be incredibly meaningful to many followers of Jesus, I just heard them one too many times on the local Christian radio station.
However, I had to eat my words a bit during the worship set of a recent conference I attended. The first verse of Heart of Worship, by Matt Redman in 1999, popped up on the screen and my heart fluttered.
When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
I was brought right back to the classroom that I crammed into with about 40 other 7th graders in Jr. High, to join in impromptu worship during our lunch break. Throughout much of that year, my 12 and 13 year old peers and I would opt to use our lunch break or free periods to gather in worship through music. We were encountering Jesus in a really sweet way and couldn’t get enough. While middle school often proves to be a confusing and challenging season of life, for me it was also marked by experiencing a new and intimate depth of knowing Jesus. And singing this song over 20 years later stirred a sweet wave of meaning and love in the deep places inside of me.
What followed was an even more impactful and unexpected gift. The worship leader ended our time together with the song I Love You Lord, which was actually written by an Oregonian woman in the late 70’s!* While this song is precious and well-known to many of us, what holds deep significance for me is that this was a favored song by my Grandma, who passed away when I was in elementary school. Ever since I Love You Lord was sung at her memorial service, it became my go-to song for comfort and grounding. When I was laying in bed, afraid of the dark and unable to sleep, I would sing this to myself and feel wrapped in a hug of peace and reassurance. This was my most consistent method of tuning in to the constant proximity of Jesus, reminding myself of his closeness and faithfulness.
When the first few notes were played on her guitar, I knew the song deep in my bones. Okay God, I see you seeing me right now.
I have a tattoo on my shoulder that includes a cairn, meant to serve as a reminder of the moments throughout my life that I have witnessed the goodness of God, while trusting that the same God is still good today. The cairn is a nod to biblical texts describing moments when a stack of rocks was left to mark a battle’s victory or an experience of God’s faithfulness. Today, cairns are often used “on hiking trails to serve as trail markers or navigational aids, helping fellow hikers find their way, particularly in areas with unclear or challenging paths.”**
For me, it’s a permanent marker to represent when I have witnessed God heal, speak, or press in close.
Joining a group of women in singing this sweet chorus, with voices echoing throughout the rustic grounds of a dated conference center provided me with another stone to stack on my cairn of God’s faithfulness. The music moved my body, heart and spirit and gifted me with a memory of who God was and with the encouragement of who God will forever be.
About the Author
Britni is a quiet but fearless spirit who is earnestly seeking the beauty of the redemption that Jesus has personally determined for her life. Committed to the truth that listening breeds understanding and understanding results in compassion, she clings to the power of life’s stories. She has embarked on the venture of discovering her own story and lending an ear to the stories lived out in others and savors the trace of Jesus that is woven throughout them all. Currently, that journey has landed her in a balancing act between the role of wife, momma, and a mental health Care Coordinator.